THE MAGICIAN'S APPRENTICE.
SCENE: The Magician's Workshop.
Magician: And now the powdered rabbit bones.
Apprentice (bringing jar): Here, sir.
Magician (shaking something into pot): Seemi, Seemi, Sami, Su! Boil and bubble, bake and brew! Quick, the goose feather to stir 
it. (Apprentice brings it.) Ah, good! The spell will be a good one.
Apprentice: How soon will it be ready?
 Magician: Don't be impatient. The true
magician would ask, " What else can we do
to make it perfect? " But you will learn.
I must now pour the magic brew into a bowl
to cool. While it's cooling I shall take my
daily walk, and you must make the room clean
and tidy.
Apprentice: I do nothing but fetch and carry, sweep and swill. When shall I begin to make spells? I 
came here to
learn to be
magician, not a maid-of-all-work.
Magician: You must learn to serve before you learn to command. And woe betide the man who, before he 
has learnt
how to command, dares to work magic. Fetch me a bowl. (The apprentice brings one.) Hold it steady 
while I pour. A
drop of this spilt, while it is hot, will bring to life whatever it touches.
Apprentice: Even things like tables and chairs?
Magician: Whatever it touches will have life, and will obey the first command given after it has come to life. Take care.
(The bowl is filled and set on the table.) I am going now. See to it that all is clean and tidy when I return.
(He goes, wrapped in his cloak. The apprentice begins picking up the books and papers scattered on 
the floor.)
Apprentice: It's terrible to think that I can't be a magician until I've read all these books. And 
what chance do I get at
reading them, when the old fellow makes me spend all my time fetching and carrying, dusting and sweeping? 
(He goes over
to get the Broom and
the Bucket.) Now if only these could do the work instead of me, the stupid lifeless things! Why doesn't 
he bring you to
life and make you do the work? Why, what did he say just now? A drop of this brew, spilt while it is hot, 
will bring to life
whatever it
touches, and it will obey the first command it hears. (He peers into the bowl.) Yes, it's still hot! Shall 
I try it? Yes, I will.
(He dips his fingers into the bowl and splashes the Broom and Bucket. There is a loud crash and everything 
goes dark. When
the lights come on again, instead of the Broom and Bucket, there are two odd-looking live creatures, 
which still have
the shape of what they were before the charm was sprinkled on them.)
Broom and Bucket (skipping up and down): Yes, master magician, what do you want us to do ?
Apprentice (feeling that he is indeed a magician): First you must wash and sweep this floor. You, Bucket, will fetch water from 
the well, and 
you, Broom, will
sweep as the water is poured out.
Broom and Bucket: Yes, master magician, your commands shall be obeyed. (The apprentice sits on a 
chair, puts his
feet on the table, and whistles happily, while Broom and Bucket work away with (imaginary!) water.)
Apprentice: Take care, take care! The floor is wet enough now. (But neither Bucket nor Broom take any 
notice. More
and more
water is swilled and splashed.) Oh stop! Look out! There'll be a flood here soon. (Bucket and Broom 
only work the
faster.) Stop! Stop! What a dreadful mess! Ow! Oh! The water's up to my knees. (Bucket pours more 
water.) What
shall I do? How can I stop them? (He scrambles on to the table and shouts, Stop! but Broom and Bucket gleefully work harder 
and faster than ever.) Oh dear! I've made a mistake in the 
spell. What did the old man say! They'll come to life and obey the first command given them. It seems 
they obey only the
first one, and hear nothing else after that. Why did I ever start playing about with spells? If the water 
gets much higher I
shall be drowned. Oh, master, come and save me! (The Magician appears at the door.)
Magician: Tekcub dnats llits. (The bucket at once stands still.) Moorb dnats llits. (Broom stands still.) 
Traped efil tel.
(There is
a loud crash and darkness. When the lights come on, the Broom and Bucket in their ordinary shapes lie 
at the feet of
the Magician.)
Apprentice: Oh, master, you have saved me! Now scold me, beat me, starve me, do as you like with me - I deserve it all!
Magician: Never mind. You have learned your lesson. You have learned not to think
that, because you know a little, you know everything. Silly people, who think that they know more 
than they do, can
bring a great deal of trouble on themselves and everybody else. And now you'd better take the Broom and Bucket and 
set to work
to tidy up this room. I'll come back when you've finished. (He goes.)
Apprentice: Well, I hope I'm not too silly to learn a lesson. And if all the magician's lessons are 
as thorough as this
one, I should some day be a very wise man.(He sets to work.)
-Adapted from "Refresher Plays," Junior Book. (Nelson.)

SOMETHING FOR NOTHING.
SCENE: A cook's shop in olden times in an open street. The Cook's Boy is turning a roast on the spit. Fat Cook is serving 
customers. Porter with a faggot on his back stands
beside the  fire, eating dry bread. Now and then he holds his bread above the steam of the roast, and then eats it with enjoyment.
Cook 's Boy: It doesn't take much to please you.
 Porter (again toasting his bread in the
steam and smoke): The best things cost nothing.
Cook's Boy  Do they? I shouldn't be happy with smoky bread.
Porter: But you haven't my appetite. I found it in the forest while I was cutting sticks. It was cold there; you'll never 
find an appetite beside a hot fire.
Cook's Boy: But I'll eat meat for my dinner, not smoky bread.
Cook : Keep turning the meat, boy. Watch that gravy in the pan - it's precious. (To the porter): Here you! What are you 
doing? Stealing my roast-meat smoke?
Porter: surely not, master! Who could steal smoke? You can't sell it; nobody buys roast-meat smoke.
Cook: Don't they, my man? You are going to buy it, right now. A penny, please, for your share of my roast-meat smoke!
Porter: You're joking! A penny for roast-meat smoke! That's a good one!
Cook: This is a cook's shop, not a place for free meals. Haven't you enjoyed your bread twice as much with my roast-meat
smoke? It's cheap at the price. One penny, please!
Porter: Nay, master. You'll charge me next for my share of the sunshine!
Cook: Well, that's mine too, if it's in my
shop. One penny, quick! If you haven't a penny, I'll take some of your wood.
First Customer: That's right, Cook. Make him pay. The porter doesn't give away firewood for nothing.
Cook (laying hold of faggot): Now, my fine fellow, is it to be this wood or a penny for my savoury smoke?
Porter: Nay, if it's a fight you want, you can have that free of charge.
Cook's Boy: Hurrah, a fight!
Second Customer: A fight because the cook wants a penny for his fire smoke! A penny for the smoke that blackens my wife's 
windows!
(Enter Court Jester in cap and bells.)
 Jester: What's all this? A brawl in the
open street? What will the baron, my master, say to this?
Cook: I'm asking a penny from the porter for a savoury lunch.
Porter: What lunch? Fire smoke!
Jester: Do you eat fire smoke, my friend?
Porter: It was but a jest, master. I dipped my dry crust in his fire smoke, like this (shows him). Must I pay for nothing!
Jester: A fool in his time plays many parts. Shall I be the judge?
Cook: A noble judge, good Master Court Jester.
Porter: I am content.
Jester: Have you a penny, my good Porter?
Porter: It is my last one, good Master Jester. (Hands over penny.)
Jester (ringing penny on counter): Hark, Master Cook. It rings true. Did you hear the sound?
Cook: That I did. A good penny for a good lunch. (Holds out his hand for it.)
Porter: A good penny for nothing!
Jester (holding up penny): You see this penny, Master Cook?
Cook: I do, sir.
Jester:  Shut your eyes. Can you see it now?
Cook: Nay; it is all dark.
Jester: Tell me - what rent do you pay for the light of heaven?
Cook: Pay rent for light? That is a rare jest.
Jester: Almost as good a joke as charging for smoke. Nevertheless, you shall have justice.
Cook: One penny, Master Jester.
Jester: The Court will now pronounce judgement. Good Porter, you must pay.
Cook: That's right, learned Judge.
Jester: Come here, good Porter. Take the penny in your right hand and toss it into the air. (Porter does so. It falls with a 
clink on to the counter.) Have you heard the sound of the money, Master
Cook?
Cook: Ay, Good Master.
Jester: Then hearken to my judgement. The Court declares that the Porter who ate his bread at the smoke of the roast has paid 
the cook with the sound of his money. And the said Court orders everyone to return to his house and mind his own business, 
without costs and 
charges. (The Porter touches his forelock and goes off. The Cook's Boy returns to the spit.
The Cook hurries ashamed into his back shop. The Court Jester saunters towards the palace singing):
Who pays for fire smoke? Who pays for light? Nay, that is a rare joke, I'll tell it my lord to-night.
- Based on an incident from " Rabelais."


