The Wise Men of Gotham
illustrated by Nan Reid

PEOPLE IN THE PLAY
FIRST MAN	 	SECOND MAN 		THIRD MAN
There are many stories and plays about the wise men of Gotham. They are 
always called wise, but they seem to do
some very silly things.
Gotham is a little village in England. For hundreds of years people have 
laughed at the stories about the men of Gotham.
Once they wished to keep a cuckoo, so that she would sing to them all the 
year. They built a fence round a tree that
grew in Gotham. They caught a cuckoo, and put her inside the fence, 
saying:"Sing there all through the year, or you
shall have neither food nor water."
The cuckoo perched on the tree for a moment and flew away.
"A pest on the bird! " said the wise men of Gotham. "We did not make the 
fence high enough."
Here is another story about Gotham. It has been made into a play. As it 
opens we see two of the wise men on a
bridge. The first man is on his way to the market. The second man is coming 
home. They stop where they meet in  
the middle of the bridge.

SECOND MAN. Where are you going?
FIRST MAN. To the market. I am going to buy sheep.
SECOND MAN. Buy sheep? And which way will you
bring them home?
FIRST MAN. I shall bring them over this bridge, of course.
SECOND MAN. Indeed, you will not!
FIRST MAN. Indeed, I will!
SECOND MAN. You will not!
FIRST MAN. I will!
A THIRD MAN comes from the market carrying a sack of
flour on his back. He hears the shouts of the two men
and stops to listen.
SECOND  MAN. See, I shall hold this stick to bar your way.
FIRST MAN. I shall twist your stick out of your hands.
SECOND MAN. You cannot move me or my stick.
FIRST MAN. Stand back, I say, lest my sheep leap over the bridge.
SECOND MAN. I do not care if they all leap over the bridge and swim the 
river. They will not come this way.
FIRST MAN. I tell you, they will!
SECOND MAN. If you make all this trouble, I shall put my fingers in your 
mouth.
FIRST MAN. And I shall bite them!
THIRD MAN. Ah, fools, will you ever learn to be wise? Stop your shouting 
and help me lift this sack of flour on to the
rail of the bridge.
They do so, and the THIRD MAN unties the mouth of the sack. He shakes all his flour into the river.
THIRD MAN. Now, friends, how much flour is there in the sack?
FIRST MAN. Why, there's none at all
THIRD MAN. Now, listen to me. There's as much flour in this sack as there 
is wisdom in your heads to fight about a thing you haven't got.
Which do you think was the wisest of these three men?

Mr Bones, the Butcher
by MARGARET BAKER illustrated by NAN REID

PEOPLE IN THE PLAY
MR BONES  		MRS TADDLERS
MR NOAH 		READER
READER. MR BONES, the butcher, knocks loudly on the walls of the Ark.
MR BONES. Mr Noah, Mr Noah, are you there? READER. Mr Noah pushes up the lid, and looks out.
MR NOAH. Good morning, Mr Bones. What's the matter?
MR BONES. Matter? I've no more meat left in my shop. Once I had legs of mutton, and roasts of beef, 
and a ham,
and a string of sausages.
MR NOAH. Then, what has happened to them all?
MR BONES [sadly]. Some have been lost, and some crushed under the rocking-chair. and the ham fell 
into a cup of
tea and all the paint came off. That's why I came to see you. I thought you might have some broken animals.
MR NOAH. Broken animals! I should think I have! The Ark is half full of them. And they give me such trouble; they tumble 
over if anyone touches them.
MR BONES. I wonder if you would lend me some of them. They would be just 
the thing for my shop.
MR NOAH. Yes, I will, gladly. I'll throw some down to you now. But how will 
you carry them? MR BONES. I'll take off
my apron, and tie them up into a bundle.
MR NOAH. I'll get them at once.
READER. In less than a minute, Mr Noah is back with the animals, and begins 
to throw them down to Mr Bones.
MR NOAH. Here they are: one half elephant, one cracked lion, one camel 
head, twelve assorted grey legs, three
yellow legs, and a tiger tail.
MR BONES. Thank you very much, Mr Noah. They will look beautiful when I 
hang them round my shop.
READER. Mr Bones staggers home with his load
He has just finished tying them up with loops of cotton when Mrs Taddlers 
comes into the shop. 
MRS TADDLERS.Good morning, Mr Bones. I want a leg for roasting please.
MR BONES. Yes, madam. Grey or yellow? MRS TADDLERS. What sort of legs are 
they? MR BONES. Well, I'm not
sure. They might be legs of anything.
MRS TADDLERS. Then, I don't think I'll take a leg. You want to know what 
you're eating.
MR BONES. Quite so. What about a little elephant or lion?
MRS TADDLERS. The trouble is that they're not little. I could never get 
them into the oven.
MR BONES. I'm afraid the only other things I have are a camel head and a 
tiger tail.
MRS TADDLERS. That striped thing? I think I'll take that. It will make a 
delicious Irish stew.
READER. Mrs Taddlers takes the tiger tail home, breaks it into little 
pieces, and puts it in a pan with water and a
pinch of sawdust to thicken the gravy. She also puts in some beads for 
potatoes. Then she puts it on a red-paper fire.
Before long there is a knock at the door, and there stands Mr Bones.
MR BONES. Mr Noah sent me. The tiger has been found under the piano, and he 
wants its tail back. Mrs Noah has the glue ready to mend it.
MRS TADDLERS. Well, think of that now! And I've just made the tail into an 
Irish stew!
MR BONES. Don't tell me you've broken it!
MRS TADDLERS. Of course I have. I've broken it into little bits, and put 
them in water. All the paint has come off by
this time. It's going to make a delicious stew.
MR BONES. Dear me, Mr Noah will be angry! What's the good of a tiger 
without a tail? It might get mixed up with the
guinea-pigs, and then there would be a nice how-do-you-do!
MRS TADDLERS. Tell Mr Noah to glue a match
on instead. He can make the stripes with a pen and ink. Now, go away. If I stand here talking to you, my stew will be burnt.
READER. Mr Bones finds a wooden match and
takes it to the Ark.
MR BONES. Ho there, Mr Noah, lift up your lid! MR NOAH. Well, have you brought the tail?
MR BONES. It's made into Irish stew. But I've brought you a wooden match. Couldn't you make the tiger a tail with
this? You could draw the stripes with pen and ink.
MR NOAH. Not half a bad idea. Mrs Noah will enjoy making a new tail. She's good at that sort of thing. I must run and stir the 
glue.
MR BONES. Well, well, what a day! It's very hard work keeping a shop like mine.
CURTAIN

Mr Nim Buys a Coat 
by IRENE ADCOCK
illustrated by MARY FERGUSON

PEOPLE IN THE PLAY
GANNIE, THE GOAT	POSTMAN
MR NIM
CAT
NED, THE DONKEY  	SHOPMAN
SCENE I
MR NIM'S front garden. The POSTMAN enters, puts a
letter in the box, blows his whistle, and walks away. MR Nim and the ANIMALS hurry into the garden.
MR NIM. I'm sure the postman whistled here. Hurrah! There must be a letter for me. [He runs to look in the box.]
NED. It wouldn't be for me. [He sighs.] Hee-haw, I never get any letters.
GANNIE [sadly]. Neither do I.
CAT. Nobody ever writes to me.
MR NIM. Well, someone has now. It says on this envelope. "To Mr Nim and the Animals at Nim Cottage."
NED [kicking up his heels with delight]. It' s for us! It's for us!
CAT [rubbing himself against MR NIM'S legs]. Meow! Read it to us, Mr Nim.
GANNIE [going to peer over MR NIM'S shoulder]. There is money in the 
envelope.
NED. It isn't polite to look over people's shoulders.
MR NIM. I don't think that matters this time, Ned, as the letter is partly Gannie's.
NED. It's partly mine, too. [Goes and looks over MR NIM'S other shoulder.] There is money in it.
CAT [stretching up to see]. Who is the letter from?
MR NIM. Well, do you remember a car breaking down outside our gate last 
week?
GANNIE. Yes. The man came in to borrow a rope.
CAT. And I let him sit in my chair while Mr Nim made him a cup of tea.
MR NIM. That's right. Then Ned helped to tow the car while Gannie and I 
pushed it. The man has written to thank us
and he says. "Please give the Animals ten cents each."
ANIMALS. Hurrah!
MR NIM. And the rest of the money is for me to buy whatever I fancy.
CAT [stretching]. I fancy a nice new cushion. My old one is getting very lumpy.
NED. I'd like a straw hat with poppies and proper places for my ears.
GANNIE. I'm going to buy a shiny, new collar. What do you fancy, Mr Nim?
MR NIM. There is nothing I really need, but it would be fun to buy a 
bright, new jacket with gold or silver buttons. I think we'll go to the shops right away. You animals have a brush up while I 
change my coat. Here is your money. [He hands this out and goes into the house. CAT begins to 
wash himself. GANNIE and NED brush each
other.]
SCENE 2
A shop. MR Nim and the ANIMALS enter and walk to the counter. MR NIM 
takes up the bell to ring it.
CAT. Please, Mr Nim, may I ring the bell? MR NIM. Certainly, Cat. NED 
[crossly]. I wanted to ring it. GANNIE. So did I. MR NIM. Oh dear! Well, perhaps you had better ring it together. 
[They do so, very noisily and for a long time.]
SHOPMAN [rushing in, frightened]. The place is on fire! The place is on 
fire! I hear the fire bell.
MR NIM. No, that is just us. Animals, you may stop ringing now.
SHOPMAN [recovering himself]. Oh, good-morning, sir. What can I do for you?
MR NIM. I'd like to buy a jacket, please.
SHOPMAN. What colour?
MR NIM. Oh - just something bright. What do the animals think?
NED. I think a rich, carroty yellow.
GANNIE. Nothing could be prettier than pale green - just the colour of young 
blackberry shoots.
CAT. I'm sure Mr Nim would look better in a nice mouse-grey.
SHOPMAN. I can show you a grey coat, sir. Here it is. [He takes off MR 
NIM's red coat and tries on a grey one
which is much too large.]
MR NIM [waving his arms about inside the huge sleeves]. I'm afraid this won't do. I'll try yellow.
SHOPMAN. I haven't a yellow one, but I have a nice dark brown. [The ANIMALS 
all shake their heads. 
MR NIM. We like gay colours. Could I see a green jacket?
SHOPMAN. Not green, but I might have a blue. Just a moment while I go to 
the back of the shop to look. [He goes.]
GANNIE [pointing to MR NIM'S own jacket which lies on a chair]. There's a 
nice coat. That would just suit you, Mr Nim.
NED. It has gold buttons, too.
CAT [rubbing himself against it]. It's lovely and warm.
MR NIM. Now, I wonder why the shopman didn't show me this one? It is the 
handsomest coat in the shop. [He feels
in the pockets.] Bless my soul! It's got some money in one pocket and a 
hanky with an N on it in the other. That
would be just right for me.
NED [sadly]. Being such a special coat it is sure to be the wrong size or 
something. Try it on. Mr Nim. [MR Nim
does so, and it - fits perfectly.]
ANIMALS. It fits! It fits! It's a beautiful coat.
SHOPMAN enters with a dull navy-blue jacket.
SHOPMAN. This was all I could find, sir.
MR NIM. Never mind. I've decided to have this nice red one. How much is it, 
please?
SHOPMAN. But that is your own coat.
MR NIM [looking at it and starting to laugh]. Dear, dear, so it is! Well, 
in that case I don't think I shall bother to buy
one. But how shall I spend my money? There is nothing I really fancy.
SHOPMAN. If I might mention it, sir, there is a shop next door where they 
sell all kinds of ice-cream - raspberry, chocolate, vanilla; or you may have banana splits or strawberry sundaes - 
MR NIM. Stop, stop! Thank you very much. That is a splendid idea.
ANIMALS [dancing about with joy and calling]. I'm going to have chocolate! I want strawberry! I'll have a banana split!
MR NIM. Are you ready, Animals? Say goodbye to the shopman.
GANNIE. Maa.
NED. Hee-haw.
CAT. Meow.
MR NIM. Goodbye.
They all rush out.
SHOPMAN. Good-morning. [He tests his bell gently to see if it is still working, and smiles happily when he finds that it is all 
right.]

The Happy Man's Shirt
Illustrated by John Griffiths

Characters
King
Lords
Dr. Wiseman
Dr. Jolly
The Happy Man

Scene I. The KING is sitting on his throne, surrounded by his lords and two doctors who have come to see him. He looks very 
grumpy and unhappy.

KING. Now, Dr Wiseman, I am ready.
DR WISEMAN. May I see your tongue, please? It is quite pink … Let me feel your pulse … It is very good … Now I will sound 
your chest … Everything
all night there! Your Majesty, as far as I can see, you are as sound as a nut.
KING. How dare you tell a king he is like a
nut! How dare you say I am well, when I
tell you I am very ill! Soldiers, take him
away. Put him in prison and feed him on
bread and water till he learns his manners.
Now, Dr Jolly, are you going to say I
am like a nut? Do you wish to feel my
pulse?
DR JOLLY. No. Your Majesty, I can tell
you at once how to get better. Find a man
who is really happy. Borrow his shirt, and sleep in it for one night. Then 
you will be cured.
The LORDS are very surprised and make remarks like, "How strange," "What a 
funny cure."
KING. That should be easy. The people in my kingdom are very happy. Do you 
hear, all of you? Get your horses.
Ride far and wide. Stop any man you meet. If he is happy, bring him to me 
at once.
SCENE II. The same as for Scene 1, a few weeks later. The LORDS have come 
back from searching for the
HAPPY MAN. The KING is listening to their news.
KING. And do you mean to tell me that you could not find one happy man?
FIRST LORD. Not one, Your Majesty. Many of them were very nearly happy.
SECOND LORD. Yes, but they all had some worry or other.
THIRD LORD. Some wished that they were
richer.
FOURTH LORD. And some who were rich
seemed the most worried of all. They were
afraid of losing their money.
FIFTH LORD. All whom I saw had something
that kept them from being quite happy.
KING. Very odd! Very odd!  I can hardly
believe it. Is everyone back? Oh, here
comes the last one!
SIXTH LORD [coming in]. I have found him, Your Majesty.
KING. The happy man? Where is he? Bring him in.
SIXTH LORD. I think he had better have a bath first, Your Majesty.
KING. No, no. Don't stop for that. Bring him in at once.
The HAPPY MAN comes in. He wears ragged clothes. He is dirty and his hair falls over his face.
KING. Well!
HAPPY MAN. Yes. Thank you, very well indeed! And how are you?
KING. Is this your happy man?
HAPPY MAN. Yes, sir. I am the one. I am as happy as a sand-boy.
KING. But have you any money?
HAPPY MAN. Money? Ha-ha-ha! Not a penny.
KING. Where do you live?
HAPPY MAN. Just where I happen to be.
KING. What work do you do?
HAPPY MAN. None; but I am busy all the time. You see, sir, I have to find 
my food, and find my bed, and go on to
the next place. Then I have to sing and whistle and roll on the grass. 
There is so much to do and so much to see!
That is why I am happy. I have no time to be anything else.
KING. Then listen to me, my man. My doctor's orders are that I am to sleep 
at night in the shirt of a happy man. Will
you sell me your shirt for a hundred pieces of gold?
HAPPY MAN. Ha-ha-ha! My shirt! Ha-ha-ha!
KING. Stop laughing! What are you laughing at? Stop laughing at once. 
Will you sell me your shirt?
HAPPY MAN. Will I sell my shirt? But I have no shirt! I haven't had a 
shirt for years!
CURTAIN


