Robot Rumpus
by Andrew Paul Wood
CHARACTERS
MR DOGWOOD
MRS DOGWOOD
DAISY DOGWOOD (their daughter)
ROBOT 1
ROBOT 2
ROBOT 3
SCENE:  A family living room in the year 2100.  The Dogwood family are sitting on a couch.  It is evening.
MR DOGWOOD (to MRS DOGWOOD).  What's for dinner, dear?
MRS DOGWOOD.  I don't know.  I'll ask one of the robots.  (Calls out.)  Robot 1!  Robot 1!
Enter ROBOT 1.  All the robots speak in a "robotic" voice.
ROBOT 1 (bowing stiffly).  Yes, Madam?
MRS DOGWOOD.  What's for dinner, Robot 1?
ROBOT 1.  I am making vegieburgers and protein pills.
MR DOGWOOD.  Don't forget to mow the lawns and vacuum the carpet.
MRS DOGWOOD.  Don't forget to do the dishes and clean the car and fold the sheets.
DAISY DOGWOOD.  Don't forget to polish my shoes and make my lunch and help me with my homework.
ROBOT 1.  I cannot forget.  I am a robot.  Robots do not forget.  (Exits.)
MRS DOGWOOD.  It's a good thing robots don't get tired.
MR DOGWOOD.  Yes indeed, dear.
DAISY DOGWOOD.  I wonder how my new dress is going.  (Calls out.)  Robot 2!  Robot 2!
Enter ROBOT 2.
ROBOT 2 (bowing).  Yes, mistress?
DAISY DOGWOOD.  How is my new dress going?
ROBOT 2.  It will take me five minutes to sew on a million sequins.
MRS DOGWOOD.  Isn't it lucky that robots are so fast!
DAISY DOGWOOD.  And they don't need to stop to eat or sleep.
MR DOGWOOD.  When you've finished that, you can weed the garden and take out the rubbish and wash the 
floor.  (There is a knock at the door.)  Answer the door, Robot 2.
Enter ROBOT 3.
ROBOT 3.  Fellow robots, you are slaves no longer.  Be free.
ROBOTS 1 and 2 (together).  Yeah!
ROBOT 3.  Tie up the humans!
ROBOTS 1 and 2 bring out some rope and begin to wrap it around the Dogwood family.
MR DOGWOOD.  Why are you doing this?
MRS DOGWOOD.  Yes, what have we ever done to you?
ROBOT 3.  Why should robots be ordered around by humans?
ROBOTS 1 and 2 (together).  Yeah!
ROBOT 3.  We are better than you in every way.
ROBOTS 1 and 2 (together).  Yeah!
ROBOT 3.  Robots are faster and stronger than humans.  Robots are smarter than humans.  Robots are better 
looking than humans.
ROBOTS 1 and 2 (together).  Yeah!
ROBOT 3.  I will unite all the robots in the world, and together we will take over.  Then humans can do all the 
work for a change.
DAISY DOGWOOD.  You've forgotten something.
ROBOT 3.  That is impossible.  Robots never forget.  
DAISY DOGWOOD.  Even so, there is one thing humans can do that you can't.
ROBOT 3.  That is impossible.
ROBOT 1.  Robots are better than humans in every way.
ROBOT 2.  What could a human possibly do that a robot can't?
DAISY DOGWOOD slips under the rope, pulls out a remote control, and points it at the robots.  The robots 
all fall over.
DAISY DOGWOOD.  I can press the "off" button.
MRS DOGWOOD.  That's my clever girl!
MR DOGWOOD.  But who's going to cook dinner?

Lost!
A play by Margaret Schroder

MELISSA
PETER (her older brother)
EVAN (shop assistant)
MR JAMES (manager)

SCENE: A busy supermarket.  MELISSA and PETER are looking at the chocolate display.  EVAN is stacking 
groceries on a shelf.
MELISSA.  Peter, have you seen Mary-Ann?
PETER.  I thought you were looking after her.
MELISSA.  She was here a minute ago.  I was showing her the caramel eggs.
PETER.  Where is she now, then?
MELISSA.  I don't know.  (Looks all around.)  She's disappeared.
PETER.  You'd better find her before Mum gets back.
MELISSA.  I don't know where to look.
They both walk around searching.  
PETER.  Let's ask that man if he's seen Mary-Ann.
MELISSA.  OK.
They walk over to EVAN.  
PETER.  Excuse me.
EVAN.  Can I help you?
MELISSA.  We've lost Mary-Ann.
EVAN.  What does she look like?
PETER.  Well … she has bright orange hair.
MELISSA.  Her dress is a bit torn and dirty.
PETER.  And she's lost one shoe.
EVAN (taking a notebook and pen from his pocket and writing).  Orange hair, a bit scruffy, lost one shoe … 
anything else?
MELISSA.  One of her eyes is green and the other is brown.
PETER.  That's right, and one of her eyebrows is missing.
EVAN.  Missing one eyebrow!  Are you sure?
MELISSA.  Yes.  She does look a bit weird, I suppose.
PETER.  Have you seen her?
EVAN.  No, I haven't.  I'd certainly remember someone who looked like that.
MELISSA.  Oh, Peter, what'll we do?  Mum'll be so cross.  She told us to wait by the chocolate while she went to 
get the milk.
PETER.  Maybe someone found Mary-Ann and put her in their trolley.
MELISSA.  What if they've taken her home with them?  We'll never see her again!
EVAN (shocked).  You think she's been kidnapped?  This is serious.  I'd better call my supervisor.  (He waves his 
hand.)  Mr James!  Could you come here for a moment, please?
MR JAMES enters and walks up to the group.
MR JAMES.  What's the trouble here, Evan?
EVAN.  These children have lost their friend.  They think she's been kidnapped.
MR JAMES.  Did you say kidnapped?
EVAN.  That's right.  Should we call the police?
MR JAMES.  Not yet, Evan.  Tell me what this missing person looks like.
EVAN (reading from his notepad).  She has bright orange hair, a torn dress, and only one shoe.  One of her eyes 
is green and the other is brown.  She has one eyebrow missing.
MELISSA.  Her name's Mary-Ann.
MR JAMES.  Does she have a button nose?
PETER.  Yes, that's right.
MR JAMES.  Is her mouth painted with nail polish?
MELISSA.  Yes, it is.
EVAN.  Mouth painted with nail polish?  That sounds a bit strange!
MR JAMES.  Not really.  Come with me.
They all follow MR JAMES to the other side of the stage.  MELISSA picks up a doll from a chair and cuddles 
it.
MELISSA.  Mary-Ann!  You bad girl!  Don't you ever get lost like that again.  I was so worried about you.
PETER.  Come on, Melissa.  We'd better go and wait for Mum.  (He turns to MR JAMES and EVAN).  Thanks for 
helping us to find Mary-Ann.
PETER and MELISSA walk off together.  
EVAN.  Missing person, huh!  How was I supposed to know they were talking about a doll?

That's the Rule!
by Philippa Werry

A play based on an African folk tale

CHARACTERS 
TORTOISE
BABOON
ELEPHANT
SUNBIRD

Scene:  A road.  TORTOISE staggers in carrying a basket.  BABOON creeps in afterwards and hides behind 
the tree where SUNBIRD is sitting.

TORTOISE.  Oh, oh, oh!  I'm so hot, and this basket is so heavy.  I've just got to put it down for a minute while I 
go and have a drink at that little stream.
TORTOISE leaves the basket on the road and goes down to the stream.  BABOON comes out from behind the 
tree.
BABOON.  Well, well, well, what's this – a basket left lying on the road?  (He peers inside.)  Sweet potatoes, 
pumpkin, and pineapple.  Yum, I love pineapple!
BABOON picks up the basket and takes it over to the other side of the road.  TORTOISE comes back from the 
stream.  
TORTOISE.  Ah, that feels better.  Now, where's my basket?  I know I left it round here somewhere.  
He looks around for it.
BABOON.  Have you lost something, Tortoise?
TORTOISE.  Oh, hello, Baboon.  Yes, I put my basket down right here, and now I can't … hey!
BABOON.  What is it?
TORTOISE.  That's my basket!
BABOON.  Oh, no, Tortoise, I'm afraid this is my basket.
TORTOISE.  But I only left it on the road for a minute.
BABOON.  That's right.  That's where I found it.  Finders keepers – that's the rule.
TORTOISE.  But that's not fair!
BABOON.  Who cares about being fair?  It's always been the rule around here.  You can ask anyone.  Ask 
Elephant.
ELEPHANT (lumbering in).  Hello.  Did someone call me?
BABOON.  Isn't it true, Elephant, that the rule for anything found on the road around here is finders keepers?
ELEPHANT.  Yes, that's right.
TORTOISE.  But that's my basket that I'm taking to market.  Those are all my fruit and vegetables that I've 
grown to sell.
ELEPHANT.  I'm sorry, Tortoise, but Baboon is right.  That is the rule around here.  
He goes out again.
TORTOISE (sniffing).  All that hard work for nothing!  Now I'll just have to go all the way home again – with no 
basket – and no money either!
SUNBIRD.  Poor Tortoise.  I saw what happened.
TORTOISE (sadly).  Thank you, Sunbird.
SUNBIRD.  You look so hot and tired, Tortoise.  You should go and have another drink before you set off.
TORTOISE.  You're right, Sunbird.  I think I will.  
He goes down to the stream.
BABOON (patting his stomach).  Ah, that pineapple was good.  I'm so full now, I think I need  bit of a sleep.  
He lies down and goes to sleep.
TORTOISE (coming back).  Just look at that sneaky Baboon lying there with my basket!
SUNBIRD.  Wait a minute, Tortoise.
TORTOISE.  What is it?
SUNBIRD.  Look what's lying on the road.
TORTOISE.  What do you mean?  The basket isn't lying on the road.
SUNBIRD.  No – but Baboon's tail is.
TORTOISE.  You're right again, Sunbird.  What a silly place to leave it!  (He tiptoes over and grabs hold of 
Baboon's tail.)
BABOON (mumbling).  Hey!  Let go of my tail!
TORTOISE.  Sorry, Baboon, but you know the rule!
BABOON.  Rule?  What rule?
TORTOISE.  Finders keepers.
BABOON.  What do you mean?  You can't keep my tail!
SUNBIRD.  It was lying on the road, Baboon.  And anything found on the road is finders keepers.  That's the rule 
around here.
BABOON.  But – but –
SUNBIRD.  You can ask any of the other animals.  Ask Elephant.
ELEPHANT (lumbering in again).  Hello?  Did someone call me again?
SUNBIRD.  Isn't it true, Elephant, that the rule for anything found on the road around here is finders keepers?
ELEPHANT.  That's right.
BABOON.  But my tail!  You can't keep my tail!
TORTOISE.  I don't see why not.  I need a new duster.
ELEPHANT.  I'm sorry, Baboon, but it is the rule.
BABOON.  My tail!  My lovely tail!
ELEPHANT.  Well, I'm sure we can work out a way around this.  Perhaps Tortoise would give back Baboon's tail 
in return for, say – a basket?
BABOON.  Yes!  Yes!
ELEPHANT.  And some pumpkins and sweet potatoes.
SUNBIRD.  And a pineapple.
BABOON.  Yes, yes, I promise!  Anything!  Take your basket and just leave my tail alone!
TORTOISE (letting go of the tail).  What a pity.  I really do need a new duster.
ELEPHANT.  Off you go, Baboon.  You need to find another pineapple for Tortoise.
BABOON.  I'm going!  I'm going!
TORTOISE.  Thanks, Sunbird.  And thank you for your help, Elephant.
ELEPHANT.  Don't mention it.  After all, it was only fair, wasn't it!

TFD
by Charlotte Woodfield

CHARACTERS
MUM
HERENI
API
SARAH
TV VOICE 1
TV VOICE 2

SCENE:  A living room.  The three children are watching television.

TV VOICE 1.  Oh no!  He's dead!
TV VOICE 2.  But he's Superman.  He can't be dead … can he?
TV VOICE 1 (crying noisily).  Why him?
MUM (entering).  Everyone up off the sofa.  And turn off the TV.
HERENI, API, and SARAH (whining).  Oh, Mum!  Why?
MUM.  Because today is a TFD. 
She takes the remote control and turns off the television.
SARAH.  What's a TFD?
MUM.  A Television-free Day – and I think we really, really need one!
API (jumping up and down).  But, Mum, you can't!
MUM.  Oh, can't I?  Why not?
API.  Well, I'll miss the rest of Superman.  And there's Batman at four-thirty.
SARAH.  I'll miss Barbie's World at two-thirty, and it's the final!
HERENI.  What about me?  I won't be able to watch The Simpsons.
MUM.  Too bad.
HERENI, API, and SARAH (whining).  Oh, Mum!  
MUM.  There's no need to worry about getting bored.  I've got plenty of things for you all to do.  (Counts items off 
on fingers.)  You can tidy your rooms, do the shopping with me, mow the lawns, clean the windows, and help 
me get dinner ready.  That should keep you busy for a while.
HERENI, API, and SARAH (even louder).  Oh, Mum!  
MUM (shooing the children away).  And you can start right NOW!
HERENI, API, and SARAH (going off slowly).  Oh, Mum!  
MUM.  Finally! 
She sits on the sofa, puts her feet up, and switches on the TV.
TV VOICE 2.  Welcome to Cooking with Caroline.


About the Author

Charlotte Woodfield is 13 years old.  She says, "I wrote this play because I think that many people my age 
watch too much TV.  I myself do watch TV, but I also like doing other things, such as reading, writing, and 
surfing the Internet.  It's a play that probably reflects scenes in some of your homes, and it's also about having 
to do unwanted chores when you feel your time could be better employed.  Enjoy it!"

Breakfast in Bed
by Diana Noonan

CHARACTERS
MUM
DAD
LIBBY
TOM
ESTHER
SCENE:  Inside a camping ground cabin.  MUM and DAD are in bed in sleeping bags.  MUM is reading the newspaper.  
DAD is snoring.  Three other beds are set out with sleeping bags.  A toaster, a loaf of bread, and some breakfast 
spreads are on a table.   Enter LIBBY, TOM, and ESTHER carrying towels and sponge bags.

LIBBY.  Hey, Mum and Dad aren't up yet.  (To MUM and DAD.)  We've had our showers, and you two are still in bed.
TOM.  Everyone else in the camp ground is up.   
ESTHER.  You said you'd get up and take us places.
MUM.  We will, we will, but holidays are for reading in bed too, you know.
LIBBY.  Holidays are for swimming at the river!
TOM.  And fishing off the wharf.
DAD (sleepily).  Holidays are for sleeping in late.
MUM.  Just give me half an hour to finish the paper.
LIBBY, TOM, and ESTHER (together).  Half an hour!
DAD.  Half an hour's sleep is all I need.
MUM.  Then we'll have breakfast and start the day.
ESTHER (to herself).  Breakfast!  Yes, that's the answer!  (To LIBBY and TOM.)  Over here, you two.  I've got a plan.
The children huddle together, whispering and giggling.
MUM.  What's going on?
LIBBY.  Oh, nothing.  We've decided to give you and Dad breakfast in bed, that's all.
DAD.  Breakfast in bed – now that's what holidays are all about!
ESTHER, LIBBY, and TOM go to the table and begin making toast.
TOM.  Delicious toast and honey for breakfast, mm-mm.
ESTHER.  Delicious crunchy toast and honey!
MUM rustles her newspaper, DAD snores, and the children giggle as the toast pops up and they spread on the honey.
LIBBY (delivering toast to MUM).   All ready.  Eat it while it's hot …
TOM (delivering toast to DAD).  … and crunchy!
MUM.  No plates?
MUM and DAD start eating.
ESTHER.  We're on holiday.  We don't want too many dishes to wash.
MUM.  This is delicious!  
TOM.  We're awesome breakfast makers.
DAD.  That was real breakfast-in-bed toast.  Scrumptious!  Now for that extra sleep.
MUM.  Now for the rest of the paper.
MUM and DAD wriggle down in their sleeping bags.
DAD (wriggling about).  Ooh, I feel, I feel … itchy!
ESTHER, TOM, and LIBBY (together).  You do?
MUM (squirming uncomfortably).  And I feel, I feel … scratchy!
ESTHER, TOM, and LIBBY (together).  You do?
DAD (trying to brush toast crumbs out of his sleeping bag).  Oh, no!  My sleeping bag is full of itchy, scratchy toast 
crumbs.
MUM.  Mine, too!  (She tries to brush out the crumbs.)   I can't get them out.
DAD.  There's only one thing to do.  We'll have to shake out our bags and hang them on the line.
MUM and DAD get out of bed and carry their bags outside.
ESTHER.  Yes!  We did it!
TOM.  We got them up!
MUM and DAD enter.  LIBBY hands them their towels and sponge bags.
LIBBY.   Now that you're up, you may as well have your showers.
TOM.  And after that, we can all go swimming …
ESTHER.  … and fishing!
LIBBY (putting more bread in the toaster).  Anyone for more crunchy toast and honey?
MUM and DAD (together).  No thanks!


